maybe college won't work out, i can come live at your house

5:27 PM

I have begun the scary work of gradually packing up my room for college, as my plans for August are not yet finalized and I don't know if I will be at home much before I start classes. Looking at each item and asking myself "Is it necessary?" "Is it cool?" "Is this something that will fit in my room?" has caused me so much stress.

I wonder whether my Superman pajamas are too juvenile. If I should bring my X Files poster, or if that's too cliched. I stare at my bookshelf and closet, knowing that there will be things I bring to college left untouched and other things I'll have to call my mom and ask her to FedEx to me. Although my college is only an hour and a half from my house, I still worry. What if it's two am and I'm crying and just need Alexander and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day to get me through it?

What if my room is too cluttered? Although I have minimized my book collection, papers, and clothes in the last year, I am still someone with a large bedroom and hoarder-like tendencies. I don't know how to live long-term with another person. I sleep for a ridiculous amount of time per night, need coffee and a podcast before I can talk to anyone in the morning, and spend most of my time in only an oversize t-shirt. I've been raised mostly as an only child, in the countryside. I love the room I have carefully curated over the last few years. I am not built to live in a dorm.

Honestly, I'm terrified about the fall. I'm scared of not liking the dining hall food. I'm scared of liking the dining hall food too much, and the gym not enough. I'm scared I'll fail out of my classes. I'm scared that I won't make friends, or I'll make the wrong friends. I'm scared that my roommate will be a sex addict, or even just someone who smells really bad. I'm scared I'll miss my parents and cat too much and just cry all the time. College is a lot to worry about.

So, instead, I sit in my room and pick it apart, piece by piece. In the spare room, I pile up the things I won't be using until the fall. My extra-long twin sheets, my sweaters, copies of certain books. I scroll through Target and Home Goods' websites. It gives me a small, much-needed feeling of control.













My mask collection and journalling supplies / Things on my desk to make me happy / Books, baubles, and memories / Collages and a postcard from Juice Press / My banner (from the sadly defunct Moon Rabbit Boutique), painting from a friend, and my quarter collection 






What I've deemed worthy (so far) of packing for college. 

Much love, 

Fiona


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5 comments

  1. It's normal that you feel this way Fiona. College is just like high school but the class schedules, people, and culture is a bit different. They say that your first year of college is your adjustment period and it's definitely true (base on my experience). I'm sure you can adjust to it ;) There will be a lot of freshmen during that time and I know that they have the same feels too.
    Try to adapt to your new environment slowly by slowly. Don't try to overthink things. Start your college life with positivity and open-mindedness :)

    Homed: Life in Sugar & Spice

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the kind words and advice. I'm trying to take it bit-by-bit, and there's definitely so much I'm excited for! <3

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  2. No stress! I'm an only child so I get the stress about living with another human but remember they're probably thinking all the same things! Also you'll be back home for October and Christmas break before you know it for anything you've forgotten. Lastly, bring those x-files and whatever else your heart desires! My favourite thing about university is that everyone just becomes whoever they really are there and gets to find people just like them. Good luck and get stoked!

    xx Pia
    http://gymbagsandjetlags.com

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    Replies
    1. It's always good to hear from someone who's been through this before. I'm starting to chill out about the whole process, especially speaking to other new freshmen who feel the same way :)

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  3. A lot of first years have the same stressors as you so don't worry. Every one goes through that and somehow, you end up with a good group of friends and a nice routine. Definitely bring things that remind you of home or make you feel good. Dining hall food isn't the best but that's part of the experience :)

    xoxo,
    Emma
    http://petitemaisonoffashion.blogspot.com/ ♥

    ReplyDelete

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